We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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