so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
