a queef is a wish your heart makes.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
