Are we in a gay sports bar?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
