hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
