I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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