PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
