everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
