yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
