I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
