I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
