I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
