Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
