The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
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