he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
