No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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