My nipple is on Facebook.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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