i may or may not be watching the land before time
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
