"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
