We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
how does that bad decision feel?
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