I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
