remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
