I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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