I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
