dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
