He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
