need another drink. this is the easiest way
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You should frame my arrest warrant.
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