tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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