I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
