You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
