Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
