just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
