my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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