Swine flu. Run for my life!
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
