Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
