I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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