Plan B is the new Plan A
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
