He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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