Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
