Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
