She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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