He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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