the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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