I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
