Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
