Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
