The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Randomize
