Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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