She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
