She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
