but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
