yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
